Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
