Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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