Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
