i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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