walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
