We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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