I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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