i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
