i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
