whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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