hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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