Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
