Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
