It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
