That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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