Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
