I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize