12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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