I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
