I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
