you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
