Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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