My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
