My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
