Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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