I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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