Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ladies don't puke and tell
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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