This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
