She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
