He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
