Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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