Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
