i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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