I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
