Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize