They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
