A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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