You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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