I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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