I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
