Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
