my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
4 words: hood of his car
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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