He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just wanna soil my oats bro
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize