i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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