Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
