do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
