he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
