every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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