the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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