I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
