Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
