I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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