Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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