I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
