Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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