let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A+ Viking dick
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
