He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
