you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
