hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
two words...techno handjob
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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