You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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