Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
