Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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