I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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