Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
