I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
