So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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