I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
