I wish you could order shots online.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we're making bets on your personal life
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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