Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize