I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
