Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
