she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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