A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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